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  To think she could have forced him to choose her and her family was naïve, she understood now. Of course, there was always going to be extra scrutiny of her family because of Dat’s deception. But at the first sign that Titus shared those doubts, I should’ve walked away, she thought, disappointed in herself.

  CHAPTER

  twenty-six

  At Singing that evening in the bishop’s big basement, Sylvia spotted Cousins Alma and Jessie right away. There, next to them, was Andy’s younger sister, too, sixteen-year-old Susie, as blond as Andy. “Kumme an’ sit with us,” Susie said, patting the spot on the bench between her and Alma.

  “Denki,” Sylvia said as Mary Beiler, the bishop’s wife, stood up and welcomed everyone. Mary blew her little pitch pipe and led out in the birthday song for all the youth present celebrating a September birthday, and after that, the hymns and gospel songs began.

  Sylvia enjoyed sitting next to Susie and hearing her pretty soprano voice. During the refreshment time upstairs in the kitchen, Mary provided huge bowls of freshly made popcorn, along with Chex mix, yogurt-covered pretzels, and chocolate cake with homemade vanilla ice cream. It was a particularly generous spread of snacks, at least as far as Sylvia recalled. Of course, she hadn’t gone to the Singing that Onkel Josh and Aendi Ruthann had hosted weeks ago, where Jessie told her there had been hot dogs and hamburgers hot off the grill. I’m glad I stayed home for Adeline’s last evening with us, Sylvia thought, noticing that Titus wasn’t present tonight.

  As they nibbled on popcorn, Cousin Alma whispered that, according to the grapevine, Titus was visiting relatives in Smoketown. “Might be for the best,” Alma added, looking at Sylvia sympathetically.

  “For him or for me?” Sylvia smiled. “You really mustn’t worry. I’m fine—I really am.”

  “All right, then.” Alma went with her to get some cake and ice cream. “I care ’bout ya, that’s all.”

  Sylvia nodded. “Thank you, cousin. I’m grateful for your company.”

  They talked about Danny Lapp, Alma’s beau, and the fact that he and his father were planning to go into partnership to buy an apple orchard. Alma seemed pleased about it. “I have a feelin’ there’ll be plenty of apple dumplings and applesauce in my future . . . or so I hope.”

  Sylvia didn’t ask if she and Danny had discussed marriage, but she knew Alma wouldn’t be tying the knot this wedding season, since neither she nor Danny had been baptized.

  “Don’t look now, but Andy Zook’s comin’ this way,” Alma whispered discreetly. “Be sure to give him your best smile.”

  Sylvia laughed softly. “Ain’t hard to smile round someone like him.”

  Quickly, Cousin Alma stepped away, leaving Sylvia alone.

  Andy strolled over to the long table and stood there with his hands in his pockets, grinning. “Bishop and his wife sure know how to put out the food, jah?” he said.

  She nodded and couldn’t help noticing again how very blond he was. He was so tall and good-looking that he surely had a sweetheart-girl somewhere.

  “Of all the treats on this table, which is your favorite?” he asked, his hands coming out of his pockets as he leaned to reach for an empty cup and dipped it into the Chex mix.

  “To be honest, I like them all.” She laughed. “How ’bout you?”

  Andy shrugged. “I’m not big on sweets, but anything with salt is perfect.”

  “Well, there’s plenty of salt here, that’s for sure.”

  He munched on his Chex mix. “I was hopin’ you might come to Singing tonight,” he said, glancing around them.

  Sylvia put her toe in the water. “Well, I had to think about it. . . . Titus and I aren’t together anymore.”

  Andy blushed and admitted, “Actually, I’ve known that for a while . . . straight from the horse’s mouth.”

  Sylvia was somewhat taken aback, though she knew Andy and Titus were friends. She appreciated Andy’s honesty but wouldn’t go into any of what went wrong with the relationship.

  “I noticed you didn’t join church,” he said.

  She nodded, wishing he hadn’t brought this up. “It was for the best.”

  He looked more thoughtful than surprised. “You’ll join in gut time, jah?”

  “Oh, I expect to. It wasn’t because I don’t want to be a member.”

  He seemed to consider that. Then his face reddened as he said, “I’ve been wanting to get to know ya better.” He paused a second before continuing. “And whenever you’re ready, I’d like to take you out for supper . . . if ya like.”

  Now it was her turn to blush.

  His blue eyes were hopeful and kind as he looked at her.

  Sylvia felt a little dizzy. “Denki . . . I’ll let ya know, all right?”

  Despite feeling downright ferhoodled by the invitation, she was grateful for his honesty. Even so, she wanted to ask Andy if it would be a problem for him to date a girl whose father had been under the Bann for living a lie for twenty years . . . a father who had an Englischer daughter he’d never met until now.

  When she returned home, Sylvia was thankful to see her mother sitting in the kitchen, reading The Budget by the gaslight overhead. “Do ya have time to talk?” she asked.

  Mamma smiled. “Why else would I wait up in my bathrobe?”

  “I’ve been thinking ’bout something.” Sylvia sat on the bench across the table from her. “And I’m guessin’ you won’t be surprised to hear what I’m gonna say next.” She fought a smile of her own.

  “You certainly have my attention now.” Mamma set the paper aside.

  Sylvia took a breath. “I’m wondering how long I should wait to accept Andy’s invitation. That is, if I decide to accept.”

  Mamma’s eyes lit up. “Oh, so Andy asked ya out, did he?”

  “Jah,” Sylvia said, telling her about the moment when he had invited her for supper.

  “Well, what’s wrong with accepting a date from a nice young man? Maybe ya just need to have some fun for a change.”

  Sylvia shrugged. “I don’t want Titus to be hurt when he hears about it. And he will.” She paused and frowned. “I’m also concerned how it might look so soon after our breakup.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t worry ’bout Titus, but that’s your kind heart talkin’. As for how long to wait, it’s up to you. Just remember that if you and Andy get along well, what matters is how you feel about things, not what other people say.”

  “Denki, Mamma.”

  “You’re a gut and tenderhearted young woman, Sylvie,” Mamma said. “Any young man would be blessed to court you.”

  I’m not so sure, Sylvia thought, recalling the ups and downs of the last couple months, but she soaked up her mother’s words, glad for her loving affirmation.

  Earnest looked forward to his time together with Rhoda each evening, when Rhoda read aloud from the Gospel of John. He enjoyed watching her expression as she held the Word of God; her zeal touched him deeply.

  After today’s baptism service, Earnest was feeling convicted about Sylvia’s decision not to join church. He knew from the years he’d spent in this community that his priority as a father was to be the spiritual leader, and he hadn’t done well in that. Besides his concerns for Sylvia, he wanted to impart some wisdom to Adeline, too. Recently, she had written again, this time sharing that she was more than halfway through her mother’s diary and had discovered that her mother had claimed to embrace Christ’s teachings.

  Unbelievable, Earnest thought, as amazed to learn this as Adeline must have been. Rosalind never showed any interest in that when we were together.

  Apparently because of her mother’s words—and Adeline’s time in Hickory Hollow—she had begun to search for answers for herself.

  I can’t let any of my children flounder without my guidance, Earnest thought now as Rhoda closed the Bible and rose to take down her hair in front of the dresser.

  There was a knock at the door, and Earnest figured it was Tommy, coming to recite Das Loblied, as he had been d
oing lately each evening before bed. “Kumme in, son,” he called, and Tommy entered, all smiles, the thick Ausbund hymnal tucked under his little arm. “Have a seat,” Earnest said, eager to hear how far Tommy could recite tonight.

  ———

  Rhoda sat on her side of the bed, brushing her waist-length hair and listening intently as their youngest sat next to Earnest and began to say the first verse of the beloved praise hymn. Tommy pronounced each German word correctly all the way up to the fifteenth line, his blue eyes shining. He’s enjoying his father’s attention, she thought.

  Tommy opened the Ausbund, turning to the hymn and saying the sixteenth line to Earnest. They did this for at least ten minutes, Earnest with his arm around Tommy’s shoulders, encouraging him along as he repeated each line.

  Rhoda’s heart swelled with love, seeing them together like this. She was so moved by her husband’s affection for their son that tears came to her eyes. My darling Earnest, she thought as she set her brush aside. She realized how much she’d missed being close to him these past months. And in that moment, she realized that God had answered her prayer and opened her heart to her husband once again.

  Before Earnest sent Tommy off to bed, he placed both hands on his small shoulders, then gently tousled his hair.

  And after Tommy said good-night to her, as well, and Rhoda and Earnest were alone again, she slipped silently to their door and pressed the lock. Turning, she walked over to Earnest and moved into his arms.

  “How I love ya,” she whispered, leaning up on tiptoes to kiss him tenderly.

  Over the next weeks, prior to communion Sunday on October eighteenth, the church members would be setting aside time for self-reflection and confession, Sylvia knew. During this time, each member was expected to prayerfully consider which man might best fill Preacher Mahlon Zook’s former position. Then the drawing of lots would take place on communion Sunday, following the midafternoon foot-washing service.

  During this period of preparation, Sylvia had seen her father kneeling and praying at his work chair in the clock shop. And on at least one occasion when she’d brought him root beer or an apple or other snack sent by Mamma, she witnessed Dat drying his eyes.

  Around that time, two more letters arrived from Adeline, who had started to write some about her fiancé, Brendon Burgess. With his accounting background and my knack for overspending, he’ll keep an eye on our finances once we’re married, Adeline had written, adding a smiley face. Adeline had also shared a bit of what she’d read in her mother’s diary, which made Sylvia feel honored.

  Sylvia knew that Dat was corresponding with Adeline, as well, writing the letters without Mamma’s help now. Dat had told her that he was attempting to answer some of Adeline’s questions about God’s will and other issues related to faith. It surprised Sylvia that he wanted to keep her up-to-date on what he was writing.

  Meanwhile, she decided to open up to her half sister about Andy Zook’s friendliness toward her, and in one of Adeline’s replies, she asked Sylvia if she was going to pray about possibly dating him. Astonished yet pleased, Sylvia planned to tell Adeline that she had begun to talk more to the Lord about her future dating life, as well as everything else. At least she understands now that Titus and I are finished for good.

  “Adeline’s letters seem much more focused on faith than I imagined they’d be. She’s changed a lot since she was here,” Sylvia told her father one afternoon close to their pre-communion fast day. Dat had just returned from helping Benuel Zook sell unwanted items from Mamie’s big farmhouse as she downsized for her upcoming move.

  “I assume it’s the influence of her mother’s diary,” Dat said, slipping his work apron over his head. “She may be looking at things in ways she didn’t before.”

  Sylvia pondered that. “Losing a mother would be earthshaking.”

  Dat looked at her with kindness. “It’s not always a bad thing when one’s foundation is shaken,” he said softly. “Though it’s hard to see at the time, the passing of a loved one or close friend can sometimes change a person’s life for the better.”

  Sylvia assumed he was referring to the losses he’d endured in his own family. But then again, he might have been thinking of Mahlon Zook.

  “And while it’s natural to fret over past blunders or any shocks that come our way, sometimes when we look back on them, we find that they’ve become the things we’re most grateful for,” Dat added.

  Thinking of Adeline again, Sylvia nodded. “I believe Adeline needs us right now, don’t you?”

  Dat nodded. “We all need each other on this step-by-step journey to heaven.”

  CHAPTER

  twenty-seven

  On Faschtdaag, the Sunday one week before communion Sunday, Earnest and his family drank only apple juice for breakfast, and they spent time reading the Good Book quietly together or in their rooms praying silently.

  Late that morning, Earnest slipped over to his shop and closed the door, strongly aware of his need to be alone with God. He sat and read from the thirteenth psalm, stopping at verse five to read it again. “‘But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.’” Suddenly overwhelmed with the need to surrender his life, Earnest turned in his chair and knelt to pray. Please, Lord, take my will and make it Thine from this day forward. I’m in need of Thy mercy and ask that I might be found faithful in Thy sight, the only eyes that matter. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord. Amen.

  For a time, he remained there, and he felt as if the Holy Spirit was nudging him to mend the rift with Amos Kauffman. Earnest recognized that he still held resentment over the way Amos had handled his shunning, not coming around to visit much during those six long, miserable weeks. Such reconciliation between church members was a vital part of the People’s coming together for communion. Besides, he yearned to have the kind of relationship with God that his wife had. And dear Rhoda is the epitome of forgiving, he thought.

  After a simple noon meal to break the fast, Earnest and his family lingered around the table as he read aloud from Rules of a Godly Life to remind them of the importance of solely trusting the Lord each day for everything.

  That afternoon, Earnest and Rhoda rested in their room, as did the children, everyone taking naps after caring for the livestock. I’ll visit Amos first thing in the morning, Earnest decided, his heart lighter at just the thought. The burden of bitterness had weighed him down so. He could only hope that Amos might be receptive to a reconciliation.

  When Sylvia awakened from her nap, she sat up in bed, unexpectedly glad for this fasting day, which she had often dreaded as a child. In part because of her father’s example, her thoughts had become more tender toward the Lord lately, and the day was especially meaningful as she considered the animosity she’d held toward Titus for much too long now. Today, while praying, she felt impressed to let go of her anger and forgive Titus, just as Ella Mae had encouraged her to do.

  Quietly, Sylvia knelt at her bedside, tears welling up at the sorrow she felt over how long she’d waited to do this. O Lord in heaven, I ask Thee for Thy great peace . . . and forgiveness, too. I have disappointed Thee, and I’m sorry for that. I long for Thy cleansing. She stopped to wipe her eyes before continuing. Please help me as I trust all of my doings to Thee. In the name of Jesus, I pray.

  When Sylvia rose, she looked ahead to next Sunday’s communion service with as much joy as if she’d been baptized. Sadly, she would have to wait another year to experience that most holy day.

  Even before Calvin and Tommy went out to milk Flossie at four-thirty that afternoon, Rhoda had washed some fresh fruit for the table, then began making supper with Sylvia’s help. While doing so, she noticed her daughter’s face looked like she might have been crying. But knowing her, Sylvia would want to work through whatever it was in her own way and time . . . or possibly talk it out with Earnest, as she had often done in the past.

  I hope she isn’t being hard on herself, not being baptized this year, Rhoda mused. She felt ce
rtain that her daughter would take the kneeling vow eventually. And it struck her just then that if Sylvia had joined church, she, too, would have been permitted to nominate someone to be their new preacher.

  Glancing at the wall clock, she realized that by this time next Sunday, the Lord God would miraculously reach down from heaven through the drawing of lots and choose a new leader to share the preaching duties with Amos Kauffman, as well as to help him bear the burden for this church district. The newly ordained preacher and his family would be expected to become model church members, carefully following the Ordnung in all things and living a godly life. A shining example to the flock, she thought.

  The back door swung open, and Earnest entered the kitchen through the utility room, interrupting her reverie. They sat down at the table to wait for Calvin and Tommy to wash up at the well pump and the other children to come downstairs. Rhoda recalled how her father had once told her that Earnest would be a fine choice for preacher. Of course, with his divorce from Rosalind and the Bann on his record, that was impossible.

  In a few minutes, the older children took their places at the table. Then Calvin and Tommy came running inside and plopped down on the bench. When they were all settled, Earnest folded his hands and said, “The Lord’s presence is among us on this day of reverence.” He thanked them for honoring the fast day with him, then bowed his head for the table blessing.

  After returning from walking the field lanes encircling his property to get some exercise, Earnest had just sat down on the back porch when Sylvia came out the door. She looked so bright and cheerful that he said, “Something special’s on your mind, I can tell.”

  “I’ve been prayin’ again,” she revealed. “To tell the truth, I didn’t like how I felt these past weeks, cuttin’ myself off from God by not opening up to Him like I should . . . and now I wish I didn’t have to wait a year to be baptized.”